Am I aiming too high?

Today and last Saturday I played to my handicap (20) receiving 37 points in todays stableford comp and last week was a medal and I was 20 over par. I feel as though I should have been happy (at least satisfied) with my effort and results from today and last weekend. I'm not. I feel like I could (should) have played so much better.

I don't feel like I am useless, or that I should give up, but I can't help but feel disappointed with both rounds of golf. It's a bit silly really. I should be ecstatic that in my first ever medal (stroke play) competition, I didn't let my nerves get to me and I didn't have any card-wrecking holes. I should be satisfied that I played twice in a row to my handicap. It is just SO FRUSTRATING knowing that at least 10 shots were fat. It is also frustrating the pants off me knowing what it is I am doing wrong.

Why do I get back into my old swing so easily? Why do I forget my own advice and disregard my own plan for my round of golf? I was going to re-create the impact position before each shot as part of my pre-shot routine today. Do you think I did it? Like faaark. Maybe three times???

I know my swing is improving. I know it will take time to get the new swing to be consistent and to feel relatively natural. The drills from Mark Crossfield on youtube are definitely helping to improve my swing, unfortunately the new swing is yet to improve my golf game. By the time the new swing starts to feel a bit more comfortable, I will hopefully be getting a few lessons from Paul at C-Y-M. Hopefully Paul will have something to work with by then and not something to try to fix too much.

Anyway, I've got a few practise rounds coming up before my next competition, so hopefully my strikes will be a bit better by then.